the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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