i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
