I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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