Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
