whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
