she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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