Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
