I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
