she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
