just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
