i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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