Im at strip club and am horny
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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