Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
