I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
