so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
