You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
