Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
