My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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