their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
