I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he thought i was a dude.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
