is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
