Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
