Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
