i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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