my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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