The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
