I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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