its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
