someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
