i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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