your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
