12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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