was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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