Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
