if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
