I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
