toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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