He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
