Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
