plz talk dirty to me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize