the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
