'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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