I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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