if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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