My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
