Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
