Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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