Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
