Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are two peas in an std pod
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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