Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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