Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
