I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
