Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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