can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
