I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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