Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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