I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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