We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
