I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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