Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
