I wish my penis had an off switch
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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