My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
