The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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