I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
