I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
