RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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