We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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